Waiting For Sunset

October 25, 2008

Rain, Rain… Come and Stay

Filed under: Uncategorized — katacomb @ 9:05 pm

The rain always  puts me into a thoughtful mood. The sky’s tears always makes the world so much more vibrant. Every color is enhanced and brilliant.

I am currently job searching… I have the newspaper open infront of me, and I see two jobs that sounds satisfactory. I long for the day when I succeed in finding a job, so I don’t feel quite so inexperienced… Or quite so stagnant. Sometimes it’s easy to think the world is spinning so fast, and that you are the only one standing still. I know in my heart that this is not truely the case, but still, I feel that desperation rising in me. That sense that I am losing not only my footing, but my hold on this existence.

Of course I am always preoccupied with the romantic, ideal life, so I was exploring sleep patterns. The ideal sleep pattern is going to bed at around 9 o’clock at nght, and waking up at around 5 o’clock. It is wise to set reasonable goals, so I will allow my self a different ratio of one hour. (10-6) I find it most saddening to be awake in a house of sleeping people. This is the state I find myself in now. How could I have not been so annerved by it all these years? It shakes me to the core. In order to combat my insomniac ways, I tried to make myself what is called a “posset.” According to Wikipedia, “A posset is a hot milk drink, popular in the Middle Ages for its supposed medicinal properties. Wine or ale was added to milk, which curdled it, and the mixture was usually spiced. It was considered a specific remedy for some minor illnesses, such as a cold, and a general remedy for others, as even today people drink hot milk to help them get to sleep.” Unfortunately, the one I made was quite… Repulsive. I shall have to find recipes with a more pleasant taste. Still, even though the taste was foul, I have never slept better. The warm syruppy feeling calmed me like nothing else, and I read “Anna Karenina” to comfort me greater  still. Today I plan to clear out my room in an attempt to purge it of its negative energies…

I realize it is so difficult to live the ideal life in this chaotic home. Just this morning, after a peaceful sleep, (until 1 in the afternoon!-Oh dear!), I get right to cleaning my room. My father comes in and yells about a dish he sees on the floor. I try to be as calm as possible. It is very hard, but it works. M father just continues yelling when he realizes I am indifferent, answering him calmly. He becomes louder, “Get up off your ass-your BIG, FAT ass! And pick up the dishes right NOW! I’m TIRED of this!”

I am trying to be alot more quiet… I often am tempted to speak for others of my family, in order to maintain some form of control over my spastic environment. So far, today, I have done alot more listening. Even when I am tempted to interject, I do not. And here I am, still alive.

The path for a sunset-like existence is a daunting one, when you notice that the world is not changing around you-that things will remain indifferent, eternal, regardless of the sorrow and happiness, the struggling of its inhabitants. It is a fatalistic, lonely thought. But to cease to strive is unacceptable.

I truly love this world.

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October 19, 2008

Smoking a Cow Bone Pipe

Filed under: Uncategorized — katacomb @ 5:43 am

Today has been wonderful! I simply adore spending the day away from home. Papou took Stephanie and I to the bank as promised, and then to Chapters so I could buy a birthday present for Nick. Anthony came along too, as we are to sleep over tonight. I bought Nick “War and Peace”, a masterpiece, world renowned as the best book ever written. When I told the worker what book I sought, he said, “Whoa. Good luck.” It is a very hard read. I bought Anna Karenina for myself-a book by the same author. Going through Chapters is almost a painful experience… I am always tempted to buy out the entire store!

Papou and Nana, my greek grandparents, are fantastic people.  Without fail, I am always given my grandfather’s infamous lecture about how education means everything. When he discovered that Nick is indeed a man (that sounds rather strange) he became his traditional self, and warned me not to fall for “traps” in life.  Nana is a quiet, but intelligent and sarcastic woman. She argues with Papou quite frequently, and is alot more open-minded and modern than her husband. I think the relationship between the two of them is endearing.

My grandfather likes to carve things out of wood. He is sensationally talented, carving things like portraits and pipes, and most recently another violin. It astounds and amazes me. Today I asked him, “Where did you learn to do that?” He replied, “Learn? You just look at the picture and make.” Anthony and I just stared at eachother in bewilderment.

Papou is also in the process of making a smoking pipe out of cow bones. At first I did not understand, thinking the idea was bizarre-even for Papou. But sure enough, Papou emerged with what will most surely become the most loveliest and original smoking pipe in existence. He carved all different sorts of greek symbols into it, like the accropolis and the flag, along with carefully sized people. I asked him where he found the large cow bones in the first place ( I would not have been surprised had he said he had killed a cow and cleaned off the bones for use…Such a thing is true to his eccentric character) but as always, the answer was stranger than I imagined.

“At the grocery store-I ask, and they give me.” At the sound of  our laughter, he added, “What? They no use it. What they gonna use it for?”

I regret not having my camera around, so that I may eternalize the image of his beautiful talent.

Christopher told me today that he and his friend found an apartment. I am very happy for him, and I hope all goes as he plans it. He showed me some of the pictures he took of the place, and it is a very beautiful dwelling. The view is spectacular- when you open the front door, you see the lake shore. The picture he showed me was of that very view, with the sunset gleaming between the shadowy trees, echoing off the glowing surface of the water.

October 17, 2008

Milkshakes, and a Quick Thanksgiving Update

Filed under: Uncategorized — katacomb @ 11:14 pm

Mmm.. I absolutely love milkshakes. Everytime there are bananas in the house, I always end up making one in our noisy blender. I add some frozen strawberries, and 2 teaspoons of vanilla. Yummy!

Speaking of yummy, I must throw all my  Thanksgiving pictures up! I was in a terrible mood for the entire week, but now that it’s over and I’m (mostly) back on track, I feel refreshed. My college life has been a dreadfully lonely one so far, so I look forward to being around people, even family. I also love recieving emails from a certain special someone, because I miss her terribly. Something about hearing anything come from her mind lifts my mood sensationally.

Mama did an awful lot of baking, and I truly appreciate all her hard work. She is so talented. She never has a clue that I care for her so very much, because I must confess I give no evidence of it.

We are trying to economise over here, in our chaotic home.  Christopher needed his clothes dried. Upon learning that the dryer is off limits, he put together an odd contraction in which to dry his clothes with. He was there at Thanksgiving afterall. I was so glad.

Tomorrow my grandfather wants to take Stephanie and I to the bank to make an account for us in his name… All for education. He would not heed my protests, insisting that because he could not support his own children’s education, he will support his grandchildren’s. I think it has really helped me in life to have such a spirited grandfather, who always speaks of dreams and success. It is truly hard to stay miserable around him.

October 13, 2008

Never Look Back

Filed under: Uncategorized — katacomb @ 6:09 am

Whenever I experience something, I internalize it. It has always been a habit of mine. I do not think I wish to part with it, as I used to.

The first thing that comes to mind though, concerning that very habit, is a commercial on saw on television when I was 10 years old. I believe it was a Kotex tampon commercial (at the time, I wouldn’t have none that… I was unaware of what the trendy looking tube of fabric  with the gently braided rope was for. But in the commercial, there was a young adult woman walking down the halls of a school, smiling slyly and confidently. Her walk was strong and sure. “Never look back.” The narrator was saying as the woman walked on. To this day, I still envision that narrator’s voice in my mind whenever I walk somewhere alone, or need an extra assurance: “Never look back.”

I watched Penelope today. It is a modernized love story, in which the main character has been cursed with the face of a pig, and only when she is loved by someone of her own kind, will the curse be broken. For this reason, her mom goes through great lengths to find Penelope a proper suitor.

Penelope was pleasantly surprising… The visuals were lovely, and the story was not as bad as you might expect. I did not care for the motherr’s character, for I thought she was too loud and obnoxious, and entirely self-centered. Although, maybe some viewers thought it was comedic. I enjoyed the main character however. Penelope is a sheltered girl, waiting for someone to love her… Her room is probably my favorite set of the movie: Lush combinations of red and green, creating an almost magical feel, scattered with miniature furniture and completed by a small swing set in the middle. Reese Witherspoon has a small part in this movie… It rather annoyed me to see all the commercials on television that spoke of Witherspoon as if she was the lead character. The fact remains that the character she played added nothing to the story. A midget actor (I know not the proper term) had a very substantial part in this film, and it was rare to see. Those poor short actors are usually cast as comedic relief. What a refreshing change indeed!

I walked to the stores again… My little brother, Anthony, surprised me half way there with his presence. I was glad to have his company on the long walk. I tend to get very self-conscious, especially when faced with the stares of strangers in cars. Nick was there too… Practicing driving for a driver’s test that is coming up. I wish him all the luck in the world- I don’t know if he could handle another failure! I always feels so warm when Nick is near, like an energizing and mutual love emanating from our bond. I hope it never fades. One of the things that Mama needed from the store was thinly sliced pepperoni. The butcher lady looked very amused that Anthony, nor I, knew the difference between regular pepperoni and pizza pepperoni.

I must confess that I ate so much food today! I promised myself I wouldn’t, but then I always find some way to justify it in my mind! In any case, I feel so happy. It must be the full moon.

Christopher told me tonight that he will not be spending Thanksgiving with us, because he must see his girlfriend. I was terribly disapointed. Afterall, Thanksgiving is about family. I do not want to celebrate a family that is lacking. But, it is not my place. Maybe I will be put in the same situation as him one day.

October 12, 2008

Blisters On My Heels

Filed under: Uncategorized — katacomb @ 1:49 am

The house is quiet at this time in the night, especially when Christopher is away sleeping somewhere else.

This morning I woke up and watched Emma, a movie based on the Jane Austen classic. I am always fond of anything anachronistic (as should be increasingly evident as time goes on) and I simply adored the 2005 adaption of Pride and Prejudice starring Keira Knightly as Elizabeth and Matthew Macfeydon as Darcy. Emma was equally delightful, but unlike Pride and Prejudice, I have never read the book. The story seemed pleasant and well-paced, with an interesting love story. I shall have to read the book soon, even if it means disliking the movie afterwards.  If one thing is for certain it is that the scenes will always be beautiful. Gwen Paltrow plays a believable character, and the landscapes are lovely. There is a library rather close to the markets… Perhaps I will take a walk over there one day, if I can figure out the simple directions.

My heels are full of blisters from a long walk to the grocery store. I convinced my parents that walking to the supermarket would be most beneficial opposed to driving a car. I had a very romantic image in mind: Me walking down a rocky path, under golden trees, embraced by gentle gusts of wind… Dress fluttering against my bare legs. I suppose it can be said that it started off that way. I wore a deep brown knee-length dress with dark wegded shoes. I pinned back my hair in a victorian style and curled two tendrils on each side of my face. It was strange to see myself in the mirror. My face looks so much fresher without so much black makeup and dark lipstick and a large set of hair to hide behind.

It was hard to stay romantic as the walk wore on. I was no longer walking along carefully crafted paths, but beside a street of noisy vehicles and curious glances. The walk is rather far for a girl like me, that rarely leaves her humble and equally chaotic home. I contented myself with the thought that I was helping the planet, and giving myself a better figure at the same time. The walk back was terribly painful, but I endured, and felt wonderful when I returned home with the produce: A bag of milk and a loaf of bread.

According to my fitness book from gym class, there are six areas of wellness: Environmental wellness, intellectual wellness, emotional wellness, social wellness, spiritual wellness and physical wellness. I would like to try my best to sastisfy each area everyday. I can only imagine how rewarding it would be.

In Victorian times, women and men contented themselves with simple things, but lovely things. I strive for that beauty in my life. The thought always conjures up the beautious image of a sunset. So much like a painting, especially in Autumn. That is why this blog is called “Waiting For Sunset.” Shouldn’t we all be longing for that sunset?

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